Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?
TGIF!! I’m a happy camper this Friday. I had the day off (yeah!) and spent the day doing a bit of cleaning, meeting a good friend for sushi, picking up my daughter from school and hanging out with her in the afternoon. It’s so nice to have the house to myself for a few hours and still have time to bond with the kids ;-).
But back to the blog….I’m afraid today’s blog may veer too much in the direction of psychology and self-image issues, but I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately in relation to OM clothing and felt the need to work out some of my questions within the blog format. I hope it’s ok if I try to tackle a somewhat more serious subject this time? I promise that it does directly relate to Odd Molly clothing in the end!
Desire is a funny thing. The assumption, of course, is that to desire too much of something must always be bad. On a purely theoretical basis, this is absolutely true. If one wants to have “too much” of something that automatically implies that to desire less would be better. On the other hand, there may be a balance between what is too much from one perspective, but absolutely right from a different perspective. In other words, what constitutes “too much” may be very much in the eye of the beholder. I mentioned in my first post last Saturday that I had been buying a bit too much Odd Molly this spring. In fact, I’ve gone a rather crazy and bought far more clothing the last few months than I have in the last several years. It isn’t really like me to go crazy like this, so I’ve been trying to understand where this desire to buy lots of clothing, particularly OM clothing but others as well, is coming from.
One part of it, I’m fairly sure, is due to the stress I’ve been under from work. I get overwhelmed by my work load, buy something new I’m in love with, feel better and work more effectively for a while, which is ultimately not the best way to go about things in the long run. From a purely “just how many tunics, dresses and sweaters do I really need?” perspective, I have probably reached the point of “too much” by now. From an emotional perspective, however, I think my recent purchases may have helped me avoid another kind of “too much”: specifically, too much unhealthy food. In the past, I would have eaten my way through the stress. Somehow, and for the first time in my life, I’ve managed to avoid that damaging habit. In spite of the stress and the constant travel, I’ve been able to hang on to most of my weight loss (barring the odd couple of kilos). I’m still far from satisfied with my weight loss; ideally I’d like to lose at least 10-15 more kilos by the end of summer so that I could be comfortably in a size 3. Unfortunately, my body is definitely fighting against losing any more weight at the moment, and the massive amount of travel hasn’t helped. But at least I haven’t gained much back. And, as crazy as it sounds, I think my investing in OM and other beautiful (and expensive) clothing is one of the major reasons why I have not gained back the weight so far.
The first reason why my Odd Molly pieces have helped me keep control of my weight in the last year is pretty simple: many of the pieces are fairly snug and it wouldn’t take much weight gain for me to grow out of them. Given how expensive they are and how much I love every piece I own, I am highly motivated to fit in them. Alone the guilt of outgrowing things due to the money invested would haunt me. I’ve often stopped myself after the first reasonable helping of food with the reminder that a second (and likely completely unnecessary) helping might result in me not fitting into, for example, my beloved X-stitch.
The second reason is somewhat more complicated, harder to formulate, and ultimately tied up in my struggles over the years to develop a reasonably healthy self-image. I’ve always been the “smart but ugly girl” as far as my family (and the world) was concerned. I’ve struggled with weight issues, and a very low opinion about my looks, since I was a child. Sometimes I managed to be at a reasonable weight; other times I gained so much I stopped caring about maintaining any kind of a healthy lifestyle or decent wardrobe, in spite of the fact that I’ve always enjoyed sports and been deeply interested in fashion. Graduate school was particular killer for me: 4 years of non-stop stress eating and no time to do anything but study resulted in me gaining nearly 40 kilos, yikes! Soon after that, we moved twice internationally, and had two kids. With all the chaos, I just couldn’t be bothered to get the weight off again at that point in my life or make any attempt whatsoever to look or dress decently.
When I finally got motivated enough to work on losing weight, it took a full year to take off 30 kilos (slow and steady is the best way, so I hear). During that year I began to rediscover my love of fashion, particularly through Scandinavian brands such as Noa Noa and Hunky Dory that are often more generously cut. At the same time, I started enjoying sports like cycling and badminton again. I knew I still didn’t look good, no matter how great the outfits were, but I felt so much better and moderately fashionable, which encouraged to keep working on losing weight. My ultimate goal was to be able to fit into clothing from Esprit and Odd Molly, Esprit because I’ve been in love with a lot of their clothes since I was a kid and OM because of the beautiful and unusual designs. When I finally accomplished this, I was over the moon. In my Esprit and OM clothing I felt well dressed and, at some level, potentially reasonably attractive. I knew that I was in no way within even a mile of being a show-stopper, so to say, but I felt at least not repulsive any more, and that was a huge step up for me and my self-image.
As a result of my changing image of myself, I’ve gone out on a limb and bought clothing I would never in the past, even in my best years, considered purchasing. Why bother dressing up something that looks awful anyway? Or so I always felt. But in the last year or so I’ve thrown caution to the wind and decided that I do deserve beautiful clothes I love to wear, even if I don’t look remotely like a super model. I’ve been having so much fun and, more importantly, I have been feeling actively better about my looks and the way I present myself to the world. I’ve also become much more physically active, which helps me feel even better about myself…all-in-all a positive circle instead of the old vicious circle into which I used to fall. Alone the fact that I could bring myself to do this blog and actually voluntarily show pictures of myself (or even allow pictures of me to be taken) is a huge step forward for me as well. Just a couple of years ago, I would have flatly refused to have any pictures taken of me. It is thoroughly shallow of me, of course, but I have managed to gain more self-confidence and a healthier self-image thanks to fashion (and, in particular, many of my OM pieces). Now, if I could only get that last 15 kilos off….
Having said that, however, I have to admit I’m still nervous about wearing a few outfits I’ve bought because I can’t decide whether I look ridiculous or fairly decent in them. So for the last part of this blog, I’d like to solicit brutally honest (and I do mean really honest please!) feedback about some of those iffy outfits. One of my biggest issues is my upper arm area, which is hopelessly too big and awful (and all the weight-lifting exercises in the world don’t seem to help). Many OM designs are particularly problematic for me because the arms are often, in my opinion, cut too snug. A lot outfits that would otherwise fit me in size 3 only work in size 4 just because of the arms. A few times, I’ve bought a piece that really didn’t fit just because I loved it too much and couldn’t yet give up hope (the Taradiddle dress from last fall, for example; I did finally give up on the Taradiddle dress and sold it). Here are a few of examples of other pieces that I think are maybe (just maybe) still on the acceptable side, but I’m still considering whether I would be better off passing them on to someone else
#249 Nymph l/s dress in cherry, spring 2010 (size 4)I loved the Nymph l/s dress from the second I saw the product picture. I still love it: the silk is absolutely amazing, the colors are wonderful and the smocking is a brilliant touch. However, as usual with all of the silk OM pieces, the upper arms are on the snug side, and I’m very concerned about the stitching getting too pulled. The dress was my birthday present, so I don’t feel quite so guilty about spending the money on it. In this case, it seems I got at least very lucky to find one of the few dark cherry dresses with slightly larger arms. But I really need to decide at this point whether it is actually wearable for me, or whether I ought to give it up and sell it. Brutally honest opinions are very welcome! I should mention that my husband loves it on me and wants me to keep it in the hope that further weight loss and/or more exercises can take off a bit more on the arms and solve the problem…
Livefirst Dress in chalk, summer 2009 (size 4), Melmelli off-white undershirtThe Livefirst wrap from last summer actually fits me in the arms, but I’m terribly afraid that the cut just doesn’t work on me. I love the broderie anglaise, the wrap design and the whole feel of the dress, but does it actually work? Are the arms too hopelessly poofy? Or is it time for me to give up on this one as well?
Coolwool Dress in grey, Winter 2009 (size 4),Melmelli underdress Linn long rose (L)Finally, what about the Coolwool dress that was featured in Katinka’s Veckan’s Inpiration corner a few weeks ago? I love this dress! It manages to be as comfortable as a robe and yet is dressy and beautiful. I could wear it to the opera, for example, and sit through Der Meistersinger without getting remotely uncomfortable. I think, in spite of all, that I will keep this dress. But when I look at pictures of me in it, I cringe at my upper arms. Am I being overly sensitive? Is this something the casual observer wouldn’t notice, but I do because I’m so inclined to magnify all of my worst faults?
Sigh, I still have a long way to go on accepting me as I am. But as crazy as it sounds, my OM adventures of the last year or so have already helped me come a long way….
LauraHave you ever reached the point where you thought you’ve bought too much? Or do you find that it is too much from one perspective but just right from another? Has clothing ever helped you with your self-confidence or self-image?
